How to survive the party season… sober

My tips for getting through Christmas without picking up a drink

A picture of me at a Christmas party, while in active alcoholism.

Happy Christmas to all those who celebrate! This will be my seventh Christmas stone cold sober and I could not be more relieved about it. I (just about) remember the party season where I went out 18 nights on the trot, booze and drugs every evening (no, I’ve got no idea how I afforded it either). Realising on Christmas Eve that I had purchased absolutely no Christmas presents, I headed out to Oxford Street, where the combination of the crowds and a three week hangover led me to truly believe I was having a stroke. I recall seeing a St John’s Ambulance stationed on the corner of Regent St (presumably for people overcome with festive emotion) and decided to trouble them with my, erm, festive emotion. I wasn’t having a stroke, but I definitely had a diagnosable problem: I was an alcoholic in active addiction, and completely in denial about it.

I have always had a love hate relationship with this time of year. I loved that I could legitimately party every night, and I hated that all my otherwise-moderate friends would come out of the woodwork and try to scab my drugs. I would call December ‘amateur’s month’ for this reason. I thought I was being funny, but actually I was desperately sad - all dressed up in sparkly Christmas baubles in the hope of hiding the fact I was an addict.

As a sober alcoholic, I find the party season hard. But my god, it’s a hell of a lot easier than when I was a raging drunk, blacking out and coming to in places I shouldn’t have been. I don’t miss the frantic, panicked checking of my phone in the morning, to see the texts I might have sent and who I might need to apologise to. I don’t miss spending all the money I was meant to use for presents on Baileys. I don’t miss thinking I’m having a stroke.

Being sober is the best gift you can give yourself this Christmas if you’re someone who can’t moderate, but it’s not as easy as simply deciding to give up. If it was, rehabs wouldn’t exist. AA wouldn’t exist. Alcohol is an addictive drug that happens to be sold in supermarkets. Please remember that if you’re finding it tough to stay sober at Christmas. But if you have made the choice to, I have some tips that I hope might help you get through this month.

• Remember, you don’t have to go to the party. You don’t owe anyone your time or your presence. A true friend will understand that this year, you’re choosing to sit out all events for the sake of your mental and physical health.

• If you do go to parties, make sure you have non-alcoholic options. When I got sober nearly 7 years ago, the only thing anyone ever offered was water or elderflower cordial. I wanted to scream: ‘I’m an alcoholic, not a fucking wood sprite!’ But that would have been rude. Now, there’s a whole heap of non-alcoholic drinks available. I mostly avoid them because they remind me of the real thing too much, but in my early days, they were invaluable at parties. I just needed to hold a glass of something!

• If someone asks you why you’re not drinking, you don’t have to tell them. I mean, you can, but it’s none of their business. I usually say ‘because I’m a raging alcoholic’ and that usually shuts people up, but if that’s not your jam, you can just go for the old antibiotic lie.

• Leave when people start to repeat themselves. Don’t worry what anyone thinks - everyone will be too drunk to remember.

• Focus on how amazing you are going to feel the next day. And how brilliant it will be that you will wake up and be able to remember everything you’ve said!

• Tot up the money you’ve saved on shots of Bailey’s. Spend some of it on something lovely from space NK.

• Remember: it’s just a party. There will be others.

• Also remember: you’re an absolute legend for even trying.

Feel free to add your tips below. I will be back later in the month with some advice on getting through actual Christmas Day without boozing.

Lots of love,

Bryony xx