The Dazzle #12
Stop apologising, and start shining.
I have a new book out this week. I was going to apologise for all the promotion I have been doing of it in this newsletter. But then I thought: why? Why am I apologising for shouting about a work project I have poured my heart into for the last year or so? Why do I need to be embarrassed about my writing? Do I think this will pre-empt criticism and judgement? Why am I scared of these things, especially given nobody could judge me more than I have?
When I was a child, it was a bad thing for a woman to be full of herself. “She’s full of herself,” people would sneer, about someone who had had the temerity to walk with her head held high. I hate this for us all. I want you to be full of yourself. I want you to be full of your magnificent glory, of all the things you have been working hard on. Don’t be scared to ‘boast’. Don’t add judgement to that word. Tell us all about something you’re really proud of in the comments below. Promote your product, your venture, your thing you really believe in!
So here I am, telling you about my book I really believe in: Mad Woman. It’s about binge eating and hormones and how depression surprises me every goddam time. It’s about the non-linear shape of recovery, the mess that we encounter as we try to get better. It’s about the constant battle we face as women, to be good. (But I am not always good. I am sometimes bad too. AND THAT’S OK.) It’s about realising that the ‘mad’ among us are often the most sane. It’s about realising you are not the problem: you are the solution.
I saw an interview recently with a female CEO who was railing against the endless questions she gets asked about imposter syndrome. “You do not ask this to the men in the room,” she shot back, “so stop asking me.” She’s right. Imposter Syndrome is something you will no doubt feel because you’ve grown up in a patriarchy - but it is not something you have to embrace. You are not an imposter in your life. You are the main player in it, and you do not have to apologise for that.
I did an amazing book event today at Waterstone’s in Piccadilly. As I was leaving, I saw copies of my book, just below copies of books about Elon Musk and Bill Gates. I thought: “I bet you neither of them have ever apologised for their work. I bet you neither of them has ever worried about being seen as full of themselves.” I am full of myself right now, because I wrote a great book. You should definitely buy it. And stop apologising for yourself, while you’re at it. You’re amazing, and I want you here in the room, taking up all the goddam space you need.
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Can't wait to read this! Many congratulations on your new book (I loved the others). Having been brought up in Scotland it was honestly the worst thing ever to say you maybe, just maybe quite good at something. You were cut down quick sharp if you ever did. I moved down to England for uni and was amazed at all these English people sharing how great they were at things. But maybe I was only seeing an inkling of what is possible! (We are a funny lot us humans, aren't we?) Anyway, it was honestly a breath of fresh air for me at the time and I have been trying to be a little bit more full of myself ever since. I hope you have started a movement!
Thank you Bryony! You hit the nail on the head. I've recently got offered a new job. But I didn't want to come across as boastful or full of myself. So I refrained from telling near enough most of my friends about it.
I'm really excited. It's a new challenge and I am thrilled they choose me out of 45 applicant's! So, yeah! Thanks for reminding me to celebrate my own achievements. I'll be buying your book for sure! Thank youuuuuu X