The Dazzle #19

All the things I know about being mentally well, that I could only have learnt from being mentally ill

It’s Mental Health Awareness Week in the UK, and this is the point where I should say “obviously, it’s mental health awareness week EVERY week around these parts.” In recent years, a certain sniffiness has arisen from people who think enough is enough when it comes to these annual campaigning events - they argue that we have passed the point of needing to raise awareness of mental health issues, and are now firmly in the territory of needing that awareness to be translated into action by politicians, and other people in positions of power.

This is of course true. Provision for mental health services is terrible globally. It is pivotal we keep putting pressure on politicians, especially in an election year. But I firmly believe that - even if the prime minister were to deliver pots of money to the sector - we will always need mental health awareness weeks. And we will always need them because no matter how hard people work to remove the public stigma of mental illness, we will never be able to remove the private stigma that exists inside the head of a person in the grips of one of these conditions. 

I have said this before and I will say it again: the thing that all mental illnesses have in common is that they work by lying to you. By isolating you. They tell you you’re a freak, that there is everything wrong with you and nothing wrong with you, all at the same time. They tell you that nobody is going to understand what you are going through. They thrive by stigmatising you, and for this reason, we will always need public health campaigns and awareness weeks. Not just to put pressure on politicians, but also to put pressure on the nasty lying bastards that rule our heads.

This is my tenth year of writing about my own mental illness. I’m often asked how much things have changed since I began talking about OCD, and the answer is: not a lot, in terms of provision, but quite a lot when it comes to my own mental health. I am undoubtedly much, much better for talking about it. It was only through speaking out that I managed to get sober, and it was only through getting sober that I could tackle things like binge eating. I recently read a review of my last book, which stated the saddest thing of all about me was that my career was reliant on me being unwell. I think the opposite is true: my career (and my life) is reliant on me getting well - or at the very least, getting better - and then writing about the steps I have taken to reach this place, in the hope I can remember them again when I’m no longer in it.

So for this edition of the Dazzle, I thought I would write down the main things I do to stay mentally healthy, and prevent myself from slipping into illness.

• Getting up and out instead of looking down and in. By which I mean, forcing myself out into fresh air each day, even if only for a minute or two, rather than getting locked in my house/head/.

• Doing the thing I think I can’t. Challenging myself to hard things - and some days, this could be something no ‘harder’ than leaving the house or getting on public transport - fills up my wellbeing bank.

• Moving. I have come to realise that whether I like it or not, there is a dark energy that exists inside me. I can either deal with it through alcohol, or drugs, or binge eating, or I can deal with it through exercise. (PSA for people who say they lack motivation to move: EVERYONE DOES! Nobody wakes up wanting to go for a run, or to a class, but nobody ever regrets it).

• Connection. It’s the opposite of addiction. The moment I begin isolating, I’m in trouble.

• Catching myself when I dismiss my feelings, for no other reason than that they happen to be mine.

• Accepting that I am not a good girl, and that’s ok. Like anyone else, I have a shadow side, and instead of resisting that, I try to see it for what it is: a sign of being human.

• Remembering that if someone disagrees with me, it isn’t necessarily a sign I am wrong. It’s just a difference of opinion, and those are allowed. 

• Reminding myself that I am not my thoughts, I am just the person who hears them.

• Refusing to allow in perfectionism, which I have learnt is the quickest way to cut myself off from joy. 

• Not looking too far ahead, but always having something to look forward to.(Speaking of which: the next monthly book club meet up is this Wednesday, at 7pm. For safety reasons, you have to be a paid subscriber to access the link.)

What are your most important steps to keep mentally healthy? I would love to hear about them in the comments below.

Bryony xx