No system for dealing with messages, apart from absolutely not letting myself be made to feel guilty if I don't manage to answer them. With an average of 50 emails arriving each day, plus let's say 15 whatsapps and 5 instagram, and I give just 60 seconds to each in order to acknowledge/answer briefly, that's 70 minutes just on acknowledging alone.... without even taking into account any thinking time required.. if you add that in, you get to around three hours. I've come to realise that's simply impossible.
Love! Yesterday I went to see Beautiful: The Carole King Musical. It was a lovely show and a lovely way to spend time with a friend.
I don't know if this is helpful, but sometimes I just give myself 20 minutes to respond to whatever messages. You could start by platform. And the idea is what you get through in that time frame is what you get through. You can go back tomorrow, or the next day, or the next... Whatever feels best for you.
Sending lots of love and some dazzle your way. 🩷🩷🩷
I still think, all the time, about a kindly friend who messaged to check in and ended with 'Please don't worry about replying, if you don't feel up to it - I just want you to know I'm thinking of you.' I think it's the most generous thing a person can do. And I have total Urgency Dysmorphia (or more likely, executive dysfunction) - if I'm in a state, I cannot tell the difference between things that need an instant response and things that don't - and no amount of auto responders or rules or colour coding will help. Sending SO MUCH LOVE. And I bloody ADORED the new Kiley Reid, almost as much as this truly brilliant book I just read. It's called Mad Woman. Have you heard about it?!
I don’t read anything that isn’t important, I just delete and unsubscribe which helps a bit. I don’t have x, TikTok, just instagram and facebook, and I try not to go down the social media scrolling hole with them, though I am partial to a miniature Daschund post. I’m not watching mum tv, only nice things. I have read a lot of books.
I think the problem with life now is that everyone is so accessible. Years ago, before smart phones or even mobiles, you could switch off, you could finish work and not have to think about it until the next morning or the next Monday. But it’s not just work, everyone is so accessible, friends, family, uncle Tom Cobley and all. It has some benefits, I love that I can FaceTime my mum everyday, she lives 200 miles away. But it can be so overwhelming, I like that I can see what my friends are doing, but even that overwhelms at times. One answer for me is to put my phone on silent. Then I can control when I interact with people, if my phone isn’t on silent I feel an urge to look at my phone.
I can get overwhelmed if I have so many emails in my inbox or other messages to reply back. I now have a rule that after tea my phone stays in a different room until the next day and what hasn't been replied to can wait till the next day and that way I have the evening to switch off and relax or engage into something else and then can go of to bed feeling fully in the moment. Having time to be phone free has become so important to me.
Also I to unsubscribe to anything that serves me no purpose to lessen the inbox.
Do what ever you need to keep yourself love and selfcare your first priority Bryony because you matter
I have no notifications on any of my apps and sound is usually off. Then once or twice a day I check in with everything, doing circle sweep of all my social media. I have set up a new email just for friends, no marketing/work things in there. I’m an introverted minimal effort kinda lass who likes meeting up with people in real life- this system works for me.
Delete all the emails in your email inbox. Those who truly want/need a reply will email again, try to respond to those. Alternatively? Hire a PA, someone who can manage your emails and DM’s etc. doesn’t have to be a full time job, maybe just a few hours a week would do it and hopefully help to keep that overwhelm at bay
I hear you re the messages! It’s really difficult, and I don’t have the answers. I received a WhatsApp from a friend the other day asking if I receive her messages because “the ticks don’t turn blue”. That is why! I told her that I turned that function off because I don’t like the pressure of the sender knowing that I’ve received but not yet responded to messages. That’s why I don’t like Messenger, but, of course, feel compelled to use it because I have a Facebook account. This need to be hyper-communicable is really quite overwhelming.
No system for dealing with messages, apart from absolutely not letting myself be made to feel guilty if I don't manage to answer them. With an average of 50 emails arriving each day, plus let's say 15 whatsapps and 5 instagram, and I give just 60 seconds to each in order to acknowledge/answer briefly, that's 70 minutes just on acknowledging alone.... without even taking into account any thinking time required.. if you add that in, you get to around three hours. I've come to realise that's simply impossible.
It’s a job in itself, isn’t it? What a good way of thinking of it. Thanks my love!
Love! Yesterday I went to see Beautiful: The Carole King Musical. It was a lovely show and a lovely way to spend time with a friend.
I don't know if this is helpful, but sometimes I just give myself 20 minutes to respond to whatever messages. You could start by platform. And the idea is what you get through in that time frame is what you get through. You can go back tomorrow, or the next day, or the next... Whatever feels best for you.
Sending lots of love and some dazzle your way. 🩷🩷🩷
Sending some dazzle back xx
Bryony I want to be your friend - I promise I would never text back either :D
I love your writing and everything you do for normal amazing women all the time! You inspire me to be honest and be seen and heard, thank you!
I still think, all the time, about a kindly friend who messaged to check in and ended with 'Please don't worry about replying, if you don't feel up to it - I just want you to know I'm thinking of you.' I think it's the most generous thing a person can do. And I have total Urgency Dysmorphia (or more likely, executive dysfunction) - if I'm in a state, I cannot tell the difference between things that need an instant response and things that don't - and no amount of auto responders or rules or colour coding will help. Sending SO MUCH LOVE. And I bloody ADORED the new Kiley Reid, almost as much as this truly brilliant book I just read. It's called Mad Woman. Have you heard about it?!
XXXXX
I don’t read anything that isn’t important, I just delete and unsubscribe which helps a bit. I don’t have x, TikTok, just instagram and facebook, and I try not to go down the social media scrolling hole with them, though I am partial to a miniature Daschund post. I’m not watching mum tv, only nice things. I have read a lot of books.
I think the problem with life now is that everyone is so accessible. Years ago, before smart phones or even mobiles, you could switch off, you could finish work and not have to think about it until the next morning or the next Monday. But it’s not just work, everyone is so accessible, friends, family, uncle Tom Cobley and all. It has some benefits, I love that I can FaceTime my mum everyday, she lives 200 miles away. But it can be so overwhelming, I like that I can see what my friends are doing, but even that overwhelms at times. One answer for me is to put my phone on silent. Then I can control when I interact with people, if my phone isn’t on silent I feel an urge to look at my phone.
I can get overwhelmed if I have so many emails in my inbox or other messages to reply back. I now have a rule that after tea my phone stays in a different room until the next day and what hasn't been replied to can wait till the next day and that way I have the evening to switch off and relax or engage into something else and then can go of to bed feeling fully in the moment. Having time to be phone free has become so important to me.
Also I to unsubscribe to anything that serves me no purpose to lessen the inbox.
Do what ever you need to keep yourself love and selfcare your first priority Bryony because you matter
I have no notifications on any of my apps and sound is usually off. Then once or twice a day I check in with everything, doing circle sweep of all my social media. I have set up a new email just for friends, no marketing/work things in there. I’m an introverted minimal effort kinda lass who likes meeting up with people in real life- this system works for me.
Just pre-ordered Mad Woman :). Hang in there. We need you!
Delete all the emails in your email inbox. Those who truly want/need a reply will email again, try to respond to those. Alternatively? Hire a PA, someone who can manage your emails and DM’s etc. doesn’t have to be a full time job, maybe just a few hours a week would do it and hopefully help to keep that overwhelm at bay
I hear you re the messages! It’s really difficult, and I don’t have the answers. I received a WhatsApp from a friend the other day asking if I receive her messages because “the ticks don’t turn blue”. That is why! I told her that I turned that function off because I don’t like the pressure of the sender knowing that I’ve received but not yet responded to messages. That’s why I don’t like Messenger, but, of course, feel compelled to use it because I have a Facebook account. This need to be hyper-communicable is really quite overwhelming.