The Dazzle #17

Is 'balance' a load of BS?

“I know about balance,” a wise friend once said to me. “I’ve seen it while swinging from one extreme to the other.” I’ve been thinking a lot about this in the last month, as I’ve sat on the sofa with my leg in a brace, having fractured my shin while training for not one but two marathons. You know those cars that promise to go from 0 to 60mph in a matter of milliseconds? Well I have done the opposite, thanks to this injury. One moment I was running 16 miles, the next I was confined to the sofa with nothing but my thoughts for company. Like my friend, I have gone from one extreme to the other - from having no time to do anything, to having all the time in the world.

“The universe is sending you a message,” said another wise person. (I know a lot of wise people, but never seem to be able to take on any of their wisdom.) “Perhaps it is suggesting that you find some balance in your life.”

I mused on this for a few days. I would love to be balanced. Balance is a word that simply exudes wellness, doesn’t it? If ‘balance’ was a person, it would be in tree pose, wearing Lululemon. Whereas I am currently in corpse pose, wearing a nightie I bought from Primark 11 years ago.

Another wise friend suggested that maybe I had replaced drinking with exercise, and that running had become some sort of addiction. Perhaps I could get into ‘gentle exercise’ instead? I mused on this as well, and then began to rage, because while running had landed me in an orthopaedic boot for a few weeks, it had never landed me in rehab, weeping, having hurt myself and everyone around me because I kept going AWOL while high and nobody - myself included - ever knew if I would come back in one piece. So no. Not quite an addiction on the cocaine and alcohol level, though thanks for trying.

But my wisest friend of all made the best point, and one I can’t quite shake. “Maybe the only message you’re being given here is that balance is the stuff of make-believe for you. That you will always be a from-one-extreme-to-the-other kinda person and that’s ok. Enjoy this time of doing nothing. See what you learn from it. Or don’t learn anything at all from it, and just watch a lot of Netflix. That’s ok, too.”

So this newsletter is for the all-or-nothing people out there. The ones who think they’re too much, or too little, and who are constantly striving for balance while secretly knowing that - for them at least - it’s a load of b*llsh*t. Accept who you are, and what is, however chaotic it might feel. Perhaps that’s best kind of balance there is.

Bryony x

PS one thing I have decided during my enforced rest is that The Dazzle will now come to your inbox every other Monday. There are lots of very exciting things happening BTS that I will tell you about in due course, but they make writing every weekend a little tricky, so have decided to spring clean and adapt. And I am always full of doom on a Monday, so thought this would be a nice time to try and perk people (me) up. See you in two weeks xx