The Dazzle #8

Don't be afraid to take yourself seriously

Taylor Swift: taking herself exactly as seriously as she goddam deserves.

When I was a kid at primary school, there was a boy in my class who constantly made jokes about my body. My boobs sprouted early, and along with his friends, he made sure I could never, ever forget this embarrassment. When a teacher found me crying in the playground, and asked what was up, I muttered something about some boys making cruel jokes about me. “Forget about them,” she said, “and stop taking yourself so seriously!” I wish her response had been a one-off, but over the next 20 or so years, this was usually the stock reaction when someone humiliated me. Like many women, I’ve spent a lifetime trying to lighten up and stop taking things so personally. I’ve spent hours - no, months - of my life wondering why I can’t be a bit more cool, more Teflon, more unruffled by people being arseholes to me. Until the age of about 40, I always thought my reaction to people being dickheads was the issue, rather than the dickheadery itself. It’s only since getting sober that I’ve realised the opposite is true.

I was reminded of this topic this week as I watched the reaction to Taylor Swift refusing to laugh along as the host of the Golden Globes, Jo Koy, made jokes about her. A comic I admire posted a reel on Instagram calling Swift out for taking herself too seriously - apparently we don’t deserve comedy if this is how we are going to respond. Nevermind that nobody seemed to notice Ryan Gosling also refusing to laugh as Koy made jokes about him - apparently, it’s cool when men take themselves seriously, but not when women have the temerity to.

In my twenties, when I was numbing all sorts of pain with drink and drugs, I was the butt of most jokes in my social circle. I colluded with these jokes, actively encouraged them eventually, because I had zero self respect and going along with them was just easier than changing my behaviour and learning to like myself. Being laughed at was the only kind of love I knew. As I’ve sobered up, I’m less likely to smile when someone takes the piss out of me for other’s entertainment. I’m all for a bit of gentle ribbing and being able to laugh at myself, but I now draw the line at being the butt of someone’s joke.

What if more of us channelled Swift and took ourselves seriously? Why is the world so threatened by this strong, powerful, rich woman? The answer is in the question, of course. So this is your permission to take yourself seriously. Do not feel obliged to laugh along when someone puts you down in public (or private, now I come to think about it). Cut those people out of your life, and prioritise the humans who laugh with you, not at you.

Some other things that have cheered me up this week:

Announcing my crazy running challenge. In April, I am going to run the Brighton Marathon. Then I’m going to run from Brighton to London. And when I get to London, I’m going to run the London Marathon. I’m doing all of this to show that exercise is for everyone, no matter your body shape or age, and to raise money for Mental Health Mates. You can sponsor me here, and check out the incredible work that MHM does here.

Recording the audiobook of Mad Woman. My next book is out in a month and this week things got real when I spent two days in a recording studio reading out the 320 page manuscript. It’s about binge eating, depression, the link between hormones and mental health and why maybe, just maybe, the ‘mad’ among us are actually the most sane. I’m really proud of it. You can pre-order here if you fancy, or come and see me on tour here.

Dunelm. I’m sorry, but you need to run not walk to your nearest branch of Dunelm. This is not an ad, just a heartfelt suggestion from someone who has recently come out of a 6 month house renovation and who CANNOT BELIEVE some of the gorgeous stuff that the affordable home furnishings shop does. I found these lampshades in the Colliers Wood branch yesterday (yes my life is super glamorous) and got some gorgeous pillowcases to match. I’m obsessed. You can thank me later.

OK, I’ve wanged on for far too long. Have amazing weeks, and see you next Sunday.

Love,

Bryony xx